Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Randomize