so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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