Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Randomize
