he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
