Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
