why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Randomize
