Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
