dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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