I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
