fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
