counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
