well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
I wish you could order shots online.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
