As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
