I'm eating all of the evidence.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
