matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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