Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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