I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
