Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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