She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Randomize
