For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
