We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
I'm lost and stupid without you.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
