you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
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