1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Randomize
