How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Randomize
