the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Less talking, more tequila
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
