I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
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