I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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