WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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