Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Randomize