OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
I have post one night stand depression
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