ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Randomize
