Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Randomize
