did you get engaged???
WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
