he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Randomize