After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
