He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize