Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Randomize
