You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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