Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
