Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
