thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
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