alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
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