I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize