i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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