first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Randomize
