By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Randomize
