I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Im just a social blackout drinker.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
