How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Randomize
