I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Randomize
