I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
