On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
