All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
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