And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
