My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
