did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
