Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize