I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Randomize
