no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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