6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
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