a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Randomize
