I could make wine with my vomit
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize
