I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
