i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
