I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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