The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize