Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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