The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
