You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
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