Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
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