ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
