i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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