I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I'm getting married
To pizza
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
