I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
this just has baby written all over it
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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