I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
His nipple licking is glorious
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