the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Ladies don't puke and tell
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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