I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
No stitches, just platelets and will power
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
