Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I lost the right to judge tonight
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
