Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
