I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
