Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
