I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Randomize
