Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
someone owes me an orgasm
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
