ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
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