Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
i now understand why vodka
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
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