They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
