Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Randomize
