I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Randomize
