Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
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