She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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