I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Randomize