Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
handjob tips. give me some.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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