he wants to bone in the snuggie
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize