i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
