I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
