My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Randomize
