dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
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